You'll want to prioritize. I'm assuming you want him to comprehend the book and discuss with you in a dynamic way. But, also, you want to create an atmosphere of trust and communication. This isn't an either/or proposition but, there are going to be times when you have to know which one you're prioritizing. 

The other reason to think about this question going forward, primarily, is to think about how you will curate future book choices. Do you want this book club to be a way you spend time with Richard? Are you willing to compromise on book choices so that Richard's enjoyment overrides yours? Or do you want to discuss and mutually agree on a new book going forward? Do you want to push him outside his comfort zone? Do you want to read books you've already read but with him?

We have been reading poetry all year long, thanks to the poetry in motion project. Every time we get on the subway with a poem, Liliana and I read it.

This one sticks with me because it's poetry about poetry - and it's not pretentious. You focus more on filling in the missing letters than you do the actual poetry...at first. But by the time kids pay attention to the poetry, it's not as intimidating.

So, here's the goal with this poem - apply the meta thoughts about poetry to the other poems we've already read. 

Do the other poems fill you up with something?

See if this poem reminds them of any other poems they've read this summer! It has a clear connection to the William Carlos Williams poem for me, but that's not always a connection for people. 

Family book clubs are a way for families to connect in a different way. It gives you and your kids the language to talk through tough topics, to learn to listen well to each other and to have fun. And, it happens when at least 2 of you read the same book on your own but at the same time. 

Usually, you mutually decide on a book together, but sometimes one person can suggest a book and you both read it.

Almost all the Moms I've helped start book clubs with their kids use it as a way to have fun with a kid - not as a way to force reading or check comprehension. Those things happen naturally when it's set-up correctly.

Structural Things to think About

Simple is best. Success is based on good structure and good norms, usually. Meetings are best when easily scheduled, consistent and timely. I find moms/kids find success in doing this quarterly - so 4 books per year. It feels like a breath of fresh air.

So, if this sounds like a possibility for you, think about the following: 
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• When will you meet to discuss the book? Would you go on a "book club date"?

• Where will you discuss? At home? Somewhere outside the house? Outside? 

• Will you discuss at the end of the book? Check-in partway through? Something at the end of each chapter? 

• Will you have good food as part of the discussion? (Kids are drawn to this, FYI)

• Will your meeting time be consistent and easy? Or will it change?

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• Do you want to have a hands-on activity to go with the book for your discussion time? Some book clubs have art activities, some watch clips, write letters to the author, etc.

​Mull it over. Think about how it could work with one or both older kids! 

I lied. This tip is longer too. It's because I love it and care so much about the idea. So at least there's that!

One of my friends mentioned to me awhile ago that she bought her sister a poster from Ideal Bookshelf. She had the artist create a custom poster based on Katie's favorite books. And I thought, cool! I want one. 

Except, I never got one. Because something was nagging at me. 

It wasn't until I saw a post on Buzzfeed about gift ideas for bibliophiles that the nagging feeling became clear. I love art, I love watercolor, I love books - so what's the problem?

Well. Instead of buying an art representation of your ideal bookshelf...

Why not just create it? In real, physical format.

So, we did.
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One whole night, my husband and I talked about what books would be on our ideal bookshelf. We agreed that if we had unlimited space, we would have a personal library. And one day, maybe we will.

But for now, we don't. And so, we decided we each get 3 books to put on our ideal bookshelf. And we allowed each other the freedom to apply whatever criteria we want.

I'll share what we did and what our books are, so you have a model to go from.

My books:

• A Wrinkle in Time - Chosen because I think it's well-written and is the best version of this story that could have bene told. The copy on my ideal bookshelf is autographed by the author.

• The Shining - Chosen because it was an introduction to a whole genre I would never otherwise consider reading. I loved it. And, I still love Stephen King.

• I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings - Shook me to the core. Maya Angelou is powerful because of how she chooses to use language.

• Where the Red Fern Grows - This is the first book that made me realize you could feel such strong emotions while reading. I read it when I was 9. Even thinking about it now makes me feel strong emotions.

• The Handmaid's Tale - I love dystopias. This one, seemed especially appropriate for young women. And also scary. Scarier than The Shining.

• How Little Lori Visited Times Square - I love picture books. And, this one fits with where we live while leaving some imagination. I love that it gives me a great shared experience with my daughter!

His list:

• Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry - Joe chose this because it was the first book he recalls that evoked a sense of empathy. He was truly able to feel her emotions and understand race. It was the first book he said, without hesitation. Pretty impressive for a white, male kid from Michigan who didn't encounter anyone black until he was 5. 

• Cat's Cradle - Joe noted that this book was intelligent and seemed to be writing his thoughts. 

• Dune - A classic but explored topics that requires the reader to think about science, technology and society. Even though it was written long ago, it is still relevant.

• The Hobbit - He will be the first to admit to having read this too young. It was his first taste of fantasy for adults, not just kid fantasy books. And he loved it. It's his favored genre any day.

• 1984 - Joe notes that this was his first good dystopia and plays a part in his political views of today. 

• Atlas Shrugged - His first large philosophical tome and one that resonated to some degree. It has provided hours of conversation in our household and with others. 

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You can tell our 3 book allowance ballooned into 6 each. And, we used different criteria. I added books that I thought were the best versions of those stories AND came at prescient times in my life. They are books I would recommend to others, but would depend on where they are what they've experienced.

Joe said he would universally recommend these books to anyone. It is what he uses to know a person. And he will ask if someone has read any of these. He can tell if someone is not answering truthfully. He remembers each of these books fully.

We bought the books, set up the ideal bookshelf in our front entryway (so now everyone can judge us immediately), and have a stack right next to this of books that are on queue to be read. Possible ideal bookshelf candidates.

The next step, setting up Liliana's ideal bookshelf. She already picked her books. They change every other day, just like her favorite color changes. That's okay.

• Set a book limit. We said 3 each and ended up with 6 each. Too many dilutes the importance of each book. Too few might leave you feeling a bit incomplete. 

• Talk about this with someone. Either your husband, friend, teacher. It's better and clearer to reflect with someone on this. You will also remember things as you talk out loud about the books you'd put on the shelf.

• Decide - paperback or hardcover? At first, I gathered all of our books in paperback because I like to read paperbacks. Joe got home from work and was visibly upset. He wanted hardcovers because he prefers those. So, just make that decision before you gather your books.

• Make physical space. For us, it's in our entryway on the credenza. For Lily's, it will be a floating shelf. It could be a stack on a counter. Somewhere that is visible, easy to access, and won't cause stress. These books are important to you. Let's keep them that way.

• Explain the concept to your kids. This is one of those things that will get them thinking without you having to ask them to. If you make your own bookshelf visible to them too, they will want to know what this new collection of books is. Or, if it's not visible to them, explain that you're thinking about it. They will chime in at some point.

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• Draft, edit, re-draft, edit. Your ideal bookshelf today does not have to be the same as tomorrow. Your book choices change, your tastes change, your experiences change. So, this is your ideal bookshelf today. Sometimes you will identify with all of the books on your shelf, sometimes just one. When you identify with none of the books anymore within one year, it's time to re-evaluate the shelf. But, give yourself leeway. It's your ideal bookshelf today. Just like orange is my favorite color today.

This journey began with a post on a personal page, asking friends and family what they liked to read as kids. Almost no one responded with poetry.

And this caused me to reflect. I wouldn't list poetry as a favorite as a kid either.

But oddly, when I taught poetry, I usually thought the students I worked with had fantastic poetry. They did an elegant job of hitting on the soft spot of an emotion or being real about an experience. I've said this before - I think kids experience life in a more complete way than we learn to as adults. Somewhere along the line, we learn to be polite, politically correct and guarded in our speech. Kids feel very intensely about events, have bright feelings, and sometimes blurt out profound words. ​

You love poetry and we want your kids to at least experience what poetry could be. Most teachers don't love poetry and therefore don't love teaching it. It's usually taught in the Spring with Poetry Month in April and generally gets short shrift in the year. Or, kids are exposed to the same kind of poetry over and over, year after year and so there is poetry fatigue. They usually don't get to pick their own poetry to read, either.

​It's generally not included on standardized texts, but poetry, as you know, is a fairly sophisticated way to express ideas. If you can understand and analyze poetry, there will be less problems with analyzing regular prose. 

We're going to start with sneaking in poetry. One poem per week. 

I will send you a poem to use, or you can go rogue and choose your own - you know your kids best. I will send you ones that might expose you all to different poets, different ideas or different ways to think about poetry, but you are obviously the stop.

I find, when kids discover things on their own, it's way more fun and they feel special for finding it themselves. There are a few ways to accomplish this with poems.

One way: The quickest way is to print out the poem and put it up in plain view on the wall, on the back of a door, on the refrigerator, by the front door, near the garage entrance/mudroom. Sneaky places that they go. But, don't say anything about it. Let them find it. See if they talk to you about it.

Another way: Make a poetry placemat. You can print out the poem, go to Kinko's and have them laminate the page. Make a few and use them as dinner placemats. If you have dry erase markers, leave a set of markers out for the kids to doodle on them (it'll wipe off the lamination).

​And another way: Poetry post-its or poetry notes in lunches/snacks. This one is illuminated in this post.

You could do one way for one kid, another for another kid, whatever you think will work for your kids.

If your kids don't actively bring up the poem for the week, you can bring it up yourself. You can do it very intentionally, you can memorize it and just say it one day in the car, you can include it in your reading with the boys at night, you can tell them all you have something you want to tell them and then read the poem.

For the summer, especially, you want it to be fun still. And, you will get to participate. You will think out loud for them. For quick reflections, you can first check for comprehension - make sure they know what the poem is about. We will keep them relatively simple this summer for that, so this is easy.

And two, you will connect the poem to your own life. Your kids will learn about you and will more importantly see how to connect poetry to life. Poetry is just a reflection of experience, so let's connect it to your experience.

And then of course, ask them to connect it to something they've experienced. The more thinking they do, the better you will be about asking why that connects - and having them use lines from the poem to support their thinking. But, we can tread lightly to start in the summer.